[Featured Image description: Book cover of ‘The Youngest Marcher‘ by Levinson & Brantley Newton.]
[Following Image Descriptions: All images in this post are the book covers discussed by the preceding text.]
This post contains suggested reading for young kids on civil disobedience, disruption, and knowing when it’s safe to be an upstander. Talk about when we need to break the rules and stand up for the good of humanity – and how to recognize the time to act.
I had an awkward talk with my neighbor. I wish I had handled it differently.
Earlier that day, he had faced an onslaught of news about NFL players kneeling during the national anthem. His coworkers talked about it all day. It was all over the radio, all over the news. He couldn’t get away from it.
“It’s not right.” He shakes his head, “They shouldn’t be doing that. It’s divisive and disrespectful.”
My neighbor is wonderful. He’s kind to our rambunctious boys, friendly, and helpful. We adore him. But like many a beloved grampa, he’s an older gentleman, white-presenting, a moderate democrat in one of the wealthiest cities in the nation. And he grew up, like us all, raised in a culture of white supremacy.
I can’t think of anything to say in these short minutes across a driveway. At least – nothing that explains the importance of nonviolent disruption without making me sound hysterical (and I do get hysterical about kids getting murdered). Is there a ‘nice’ way to suggest that we’re lucky we’re impacted by inequality, oppression, and inconvenience only when it hits the news cycle?
So I pause, and respond, “Oh? Is it? Hmm…” before smiling in empathy and abruptly turn to mow my lawn.
He’s troubled, and wanted enthusiastic agreement. I will be kind – but I will not provide that reassurance.
Good trouble is methodical and calculated. I’m not going to change the perspective of an elderly man on the insignificance of broken windows and rotting grapes compared to the safety and dignity of human life. But I do wish I could have come up with a magical response that felt less…cowardly before my son’s school bus arrived.
Good trouble isn’t a reactionary lecture in the driveway. But it also doesn’t mean I get to stay silent forever.
It’s my responsibility to look for the right time to mention the atrocities happening less than five miles from home. It is my duty to tell him we’re poisoning people with toxic water at MCI Norfolk Prison. It’s my duty to talk about the beating Mary Holmes got when she told an officer to calm down on the subway. It’s my duty to suggest that players kneel in protest because nothing else has gotten his attention the way this has.
Disruption shines a light on something we’ve been trying to ignore. Scary things. Things we feel powerless to change.
Without that jarring light, we can’t see festering injustice hidden in the shadows. Disruption forces conversations at our water coolers and on our lawns so we HAVE to pay attention.
Disruption is what we resort to when we’re hurting enough to risk our lives and livelihood. When critics call acts of protest divisive, well YES – that is the point.
Divide and conquer applies to education, too.
Civil disobedience divides onlookers into those who dig deeper to understand, and those who dismiss protesters as hooligans and thugs (‘thug’ is code for a poor/non-white man who refuses to tread gently around white authority and doesn’t ‘know his place.’ Stop using this word.)
When my son commands me to get him a glass of milk, I refuse. He’s not asking politely, he’s acting bratty.
When he commands me to pick him up because a big scary dog is jumping on him, I help. He’s not spoiled – he’s terrified.
People of color, disabled people, trans people, pretty much everyone but white dudes, are terrified. Ignoring this pain is inhumane. Dismissing cries for help because we don’t like the way they caught our attention, or that they demanded instead of asked politely, that’s tone-policing. We are tools of systemic discrimination when pull this entitled BS.
So let’s start introduce this wildly revolutionary new idea (this is a joke! It’s not new. It’s basic human decency).
People who are being killed by a system that we benefit from don’t owe us polite and deferential respect when they ask (or demand) we stop killing them.
At Bumblebee Hollow, we teach our kids that everyone deserves respect regardless of age, status, or what-have-you. I am comfortable with the conflicting concept that we must treat other people with respect and kindness – but that doesn’t mean we are entitled to their respect in turn.
It’s my obligation to respond to critics with humility and reflection because I get enough food, sleep, and shelter. My family is healthy and safe. 99% of the time, I’ve got the spoons to go high.
But I don’t get to demand reciprocal behavior in exchange – especially from anyone feeling attacked and afraid, who doesn’t have the luxuries I do. Expecting someone terrified and in pain to have a calm and reasonable conversation for the sake of ‘civility’ is supremacy.
Disruption is designed to make us uncomfortable. If we find it distasteful, we need to zip it and ask ourselves why we have that reaction – not to lash out or run away.
We get to choose how we react to disruption. Choose compassion, or choose disdain?
Learn As You Go
I could have handled that conversation with my neighbor better. I could have prepared an elevator pitch against systemic white supremacy, protest, and free speech. I missed that moment and there’s no getting it back.
That’s how learning works! That moment gave me a chance to ponder how I should have responded – and how I will respond in the future. Since then, I’ve gone on to try more imperfect approaches with fragile white people with mixed results.
Also – consider carefully where to focus your efforts. If you’re not a targeted identity, don’t pipe up with your dissenting opinion or ‘fresh perspective’ in an online group, page, or meeting run by and for these people – it’s derailing and erasing, and it’s not okay to make them to spend time and emotional labor defending themselves. That’s a place for listening.
There’s a benefit to noodling over things a bit before we start lecturing the neighbors. If I sunk to my knees on the lawn while ranting, without knowing the symbolism, history, and decisions behind this statement, I’d fail to bring facts and reflection to the discussion that we need for a real conversation.
When we mess up – we have to use what we learned to create our own disruptions.
Upstanders: Do the work – choose one book
If this is all new to you – don’t start here. Reflect on this idea and start teaching your kids to recognize their own privilege with a couple books from this list. Then, when you start getting that gnawing feeling of guilt because you realize things aren’t right – choose one book from this list to bolster your courage, then head to the bottom of this post for a simple action plan.
These books helped my boys recognize the difference between being willfully obstinate and standing up for the greater good.
Are we challenging authority and tradition because we want more candy, or is this a community injustice like bullying or discrimination? (They still get confused, but we’re making progress)
Speaking up is never comfortable, (sometimes it’s petrifying). That bit of fear (for your ego, not your body or sanity – please stay safe) of being laughed at by our friends, that’s a signal we’re going in the right direction. It never gets easy, but it gets easier. If my preschooler can stand up to sexist speech through his fears of being an outcast, you can stand brave, too.
Captioned age ranges are for when my sons got ‘the gist’ of the story with discussion & alternative readings – most contain text for much older ages.
Disruption Within Our Communities
Standing up against bullying and oppression is complex when it’s our own friends, classmates, or neighbors who we have to counter. ‘Noni Speaks Up‘ addresses these hesitations and the fear of being ostracized ourselves.
‘The Smallest Girl In the Smallest Grade‘ shows us that even when we feel small and weak, we can ignite change.
‘The Araboolies of Liberty Street‘ shows us how a neighborhood can unite against a tyrant.
Disruption On the Field
In ‘I Am Jackie Robinson,’ we learn about the fear and bravery it takes to break race boundaries. ‘The William Hoy Story‘ showed us how players with disabilities (Hoy was Deaf) can inspire league-wide disability accommodations that help every player.
I have to admit organized sports is super boring to our nerd-family, so we haven’t found a third ‘top choice’ for this category yet. Leave a comment with suggestions!
Disruption At School
‘Amy, The Story of a Deaf Child‘ isn’t a story specifically about disruption, but it normalizes day-in-the-life of disability-rights advocate Amy Rowley. Behind the book, Amy fought for disability accommodations for equal education in the 1979 case of Board of Education […] v. Rowley case, which she lost – but it inspired more disabled students to keep fighting.
‘Separate is Never Equal‘ is the story of Sylvia Mendez, who fought for the right to attend a white-only school in 1946. The success of her case laid the groundwork for desegregation fights across the country.
14 years later, in ‘The Story of Ruby Bridges,’ we see six-year-old ruby endure threats, harassment, and organized strikes against her attendance in a formerly white-only school.
Disruption At The Library (or in books)
‘Ron’s Big Mission‘ is based on the story of astronaut Ron MacNair in his 1959 fight for the right to check books out of the library.
‘The Library Lion‘ has been the single most effective book in discussing when it’s okay to break the rules – and what it means to sacrifice our comfort and happiness for the safety of others. Please don’t send me more studies explaining how kids are more likely to emulate human protagonists. All of them fail to account for the effects of expanded discussion. Both my 3yo and 5yo found the lion’s choice to be bittersweet and uplifting – and were able to equate times in their own lives when they might be called on to do the same during our guided discussions.
If you liked ‘The Book With No Pictures,’ you’ll love ‘This is My Book,’ a silly story breaking the 4th wall. Pett provokes readers to recognize the translation from an artist or author’s intentions, and how that morphs once a reader creates a relationship with a story. The story inspires readers to break the rules, so search for a new (rather than used) version of this book – you’re likely to find rips and scribbles throughout the pages if previous readers connected with the story. There’s also a fragile pop-up on one page, so reading requires adult supervision for kids under 4.
Disruption At Work
‘Harvesting Hope‘ was the story of Cesar Chavez from his idyllic early childhood contrasting the harsh labor conditions of the migrant farmers he led in revolt. The illustrations and storytelling were more vibrant than ‘Dolores Huerta,’ which I enjoyed but the boys found boring. (I’ll admit both stories were a bit of a fight to get them into, they’re not terribly exciting.)
‘On Our Way to Oyster Bay‘ is told from the perspective of 8-year-old Aidan, who worked 72-hour work-weeks until real-life child-rights activist Mother Jones organized a 100-mile, 16-day march of children that eventually resulted in safer child labor laws.
‘Brave Girl,’ is the story of Jewish-Ukranian immigrant Clara Lemlich leading the massive Uprising of 20,000 in 1909, leading to a revolution in working women’s rights.
Disruption In The Justice System
‘I Dissent‘ is the story of Ruth Bader Ginsburg as she refuses to accept the bigotry she faced growing up and as a Jewish woman fighting for justice and equality in the US Supreme Court.
‘The Youngest Marcher‘ is the story of Audrey Fay Hendricks, who volunteered to fill the prisons along with hundreds of other black children until the jails could hold no more, scoring a victory against unfair imprisonment during the civil rights movement. (‘I Am Martin Luther King, Jr.‘ is self-explanatory.)
Disruption Against Gender Constructs
‘Jacob’s New Dress‘ is the story of a little boy determined to dress himself the way he feels powerful – despite bullying, gender norms, and his parents’ hesitations.
‘Bad Girls‘ is a bit bloody for littles (Beheadings! Revenge! Pirate Queens!) but soooo good it should be in every parent’s lexicon – and it also makes the perfect Mother’s Day Gift…if you happen to be the father of my children ::cough cough::.
‘Malala’s Magic Pencil‘ is Malala Yousefzai’s fairytale-esque autobiography about her decision to take responsibility for the inequity around her using the only tools she had as a young girl – words.
Civil Disobedience – Causing Good Trouble by Taking Action
In ‘The Other Side,’ we watch Clover and her white neighbor on the other side of the fence push boundaries (literally) despite their parents instructions to stay apart.
‘If You Plant A Seed‘ is an allegorical tale of exploring feelings of scarcity and greed, then sharing and reciprocity and the resulting abundance – in a collaboration of adorable animals.
‘Yertle the Turtle‘ is a classic story of a tyrants and the subversive, small protest that caused his downfall. Caveat – Many of Dr. Seuss’s books were racist and problematic, and you can get a better understanding of how to discuss Dr. Seuss’s stories at Pragmatic Mom.
Civil Disobedience – Causing Good Trouble by Taking a Stand (or seat, I guess)
‘Sit-In‘ is the true story of the Woolworth’s lunch counter sit-in college-student protest of 1960. (‘Freedom On the Menu‘ is about the same protest, but from the perspective of a little girl. The storytelling is better in ‘Freedom On the Menu,’ but my kids prefered ‘Sit-In’ and were more engaged in this book because of the energetic, colorful illustrations.)
How to know when it’s time for you to speak up
When you’re afraid to speak up about problematic behavior because you might lose clients/readers/friends – that’s a sign.
When it feels like you are making a big deal out of nothing – that’s a sign.
When you’re shaking your head that no one else has has stepped up – that’s a sign.
When you can stay quiet and no one would notice – that’s a sign.
When someone who has spoken up is getting piled on and you think ‘Whew, glad that wasn’t me!‘ – that’s a sign.
When you’d rather run screaming in another direction than enter the arena – that’s a sign.
When you’re worried you’re going to get judged for speaking up – that’s a confirmation.
This is exactly when you need to step forward.
“This nation was founded on one principle above all else:
The requirement that we stand up for what we believe, no matter the odds or the consequences. When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world –
– ‘No, YOU move.‘
– Captain America (Civil War: Amazing Spider-Man‘)
This is your call to action:
Follow trouble-makers, it’s time to instigate some mischief & ignite compassion. Click here to get the Daring Discussions toolkit for free. Learn how to navigate open, honest, and kind conversations with the people in your life who hold different values and beliefs.